Let's Bitch

I love a good parking spot as much as the next guy. When I luck out on a front row spot I silently have a little personal celebration. HOWEVER, I will not circle the parking lot and refuse to park in anything further than 3 spots from the store. Unfortunately, some of you out there will. I cannot stand when I see people do that! Is it really going to kill you to park out a little farther and, I dunno, perhaps get some exercise? I especially love when people will see someone headed to their car and completely stop the flow of traffic through the parking lot to stop and wait on that spot. If it is me that you see coming out of the store and you think you are going to sit and wait on my spot…think again bucko. I will make you miserable for even attempting it.

I will:

- Take my time finding my keys and unlocking the trunk

- Load my bags one by one

- Take my time returning the buggy

- Fidget with the radio, seat-belt, seat position, air conditioner, etc.

- Mess around with the stuff in the glove box

- Go and get the Cheetos I just loaded in the trunk and sit and munch on them for awhile

- Start to back out of the spot

- Pull back in and head back into the store because I conveniently “forgot something” te he he

People will sit there and wait through all of this! Don’t you realize that by that time you could have already parked elsewhere, walked your fat ass the extra few feet into the store, and be shopping by now?  People amaze me.

I’m a fan of words. I like to invent new ones and  combine old ones.

Here are the ones I can’t stand:

Moist
Succulent
Ointment
Plethora
Crust
Carcass
Larva
Kumquat
Seepage
Yeast

On to the favorites:

Shenanigans
Tomfoolery
Accosted
Verklempt
Jojoba
Gonads
Chimichanga
Squeegee
Cajones
Pumpernickel

Remember in school when they would preach to you about going to college and getting your degree so you could get a good job and not spend your whole life being poor??  Well something is very wrong with that picture.  I went to college…got my degree…got a job…and I’m broke as a joke.  I barely make enough to pay back the loans that I had to take out just to be able to GO to college.  I know, I know…I graduated less than 2 years ago and I should just give it some time and I also know I should be thankful to have a job period…but this is not how I pictured things all of those times at 2 am when I had to motivate myself to keep studying.  This whole growing up and being on your own thing kinda sucks.  Shopping has lost all of the fun it used to have when it was done with Dad’s credit card in hand.  Who knew that several years and 1 degree later I would be scouring the sale racks at the local outlet mall and still deciding that everything cost too much?  Who knew that I would be using coupons at the grocery store?

I need a sugar daddy…any takers?

Where do  guys come off thinking this is hot? OK, even if you aren’t trying to impress a girl, why would you want your body to look like this?

The sight of this picture makes me wanna gag. I don’t wanna see every vein in your body. I don’t want to see how big your balls are and how non-existent your package is. How does this guy even get pants on? Does he even wear pants? Can he even find clothes that fit him? I wonder if he is married….

No offense to a recent commenter, but this must be said. Let’s break down the phrase “near-miss”. If you nearly missed something…you didn’t really miss it at all did you? You either miss it or you hit it…those are the only two ways it can go. Nearly missing something, almost missing something, coming close to missing something…it’s all the same. YOU STILL DIDN’T MISS IT!!!

So the part that really pisses me off…According to Wiki, the definition of a “near-miss” is: A near miss is an unplanned event that did not result in injury, illness, or damage - but had the potential to do so. How is that a near miss??? YOU DID MISS! ARGHHH.