Let's Bitch

This is a recent revelation in my life, but I’ve decided that I hate bumper stickers. Let me preface this by saying that at one time I too was a victim of the bumper sticker. My first car was a bright blue Hyundai Scoupe and the minute the keys hit my hands I headed out to the local Spencer’s and bought myself a “Honk If You Want Me!” bumper sticker. In my defense, I was young, dumb, and it strategically hit the chipping paint quite well. But you see people driving around with the entire back of their car covered in stickers!! And they aren’t always beaters like mine was, I commonly see a $50K BMW, Audi, Lexus…beautiful cars…who owners thought they could benefit from the addition from a $.50 piece of paper forever attached to its backside. What are you thinking?!?!? How am I supposed to take the CEO of my company seriously when the back of his car says, “Gas, Grass, or Ass…Nobody Rides For Free”?? Your car is not a display board to show the world how many kids you have, what sports they play, what organizations you are a member of, who you voted for, or what religion you are… And the things is…bumper stickers don’t cleanly come off. So those “Gore/Lieberman” stickers might have seemed like a good idea at the time….but now you just look ridiculous driving around with that on your car. And on top of all of that, they are a distraction! Here I am trying to be a safe, cautious driver and you are trying to divert my attention with all of this literature on your car. And the font on the damn things is always so tiny, so it’s not my fault that I have to get within dangerously unsafe 2 inches of your bumper to find out Jesus is your copilot.