Letsbitch.com

No Parking

Bitch — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:31:53 +0000

I love a good parking spot as much as the next guy. When I luck out on a front row spot I silently have a little personal celebration. HOWEVER, I will not circle the parking lot and refuse to park in anything further than 3 spots from the store. Unfortunately, some of you out there will. I cannot stand when I see people do that! Is it really going to kill you to park out a little farther and, I dunno, perhaps get some exercise? I especially love when people will see someone headed to their car and completely stop the flow of traffic through the parking lot to stop and wait on that spot. If it is me that you see coming out of the store and you think you are going to sit and wait on my spot…think again bucko. I will make you miserable for even attempting it.

I will:

- Take my time finding my keys and unlocking the trunk

- Load my bags one by one

- Take my time returning the buggy

- Fidget with the radio, seat-belt, seat position, air conditioner, etc.

- Mess around with the stuff in the glove box

- Go and get the Cheetos I just loaded in the trunk and sit and munch on them for awhile

- Start to back out of the spot

- Pull back in and head back into the store because I conveniently “forgot something” te he he

People will sit there and wait through all of this! Don’t you realize that by that time you could have already parked elsewhere, walked your fat ass the extra few feet into the store, and be shopping by now? People amaze me.

Talk Dirty To Me

Bitch — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:08:47 +0000

I’m a fan of words. I like to invent new ones and combine old ones.

Here are the ones I can’t stand:

Moist
Succulent
Ointment
Plethora
Crust
Carcass
Larva
Kumquat
Seepage
Yeast

On to the favorites:

Shenanigans
Tomfoolery
Accosted
Verklempt
Jojoba
Gonads
Chimichanga
Squeegee
Cajones
Pumpernickel

Dolla Dolla Bills Y’all

Bitch — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 02:14:37 +0000

Remember in school when they would preach to you about going to college and getting your degree so you could get a good job and not spend your whole life being poor?? Well something is very wrong with that picture. I went to college…got my degree…got a job…and I’m broke as a joke. I barely make enough to pay back the loans that I had to take out just to be able to GO to college. I know, I know…I graduated less than 2 years ago and I should just give it some time and I also know I should be thankful to have a job period…but this is not how I pictured things all of those times at 2 am when I had to motivate myself to keep studying. This whole growing up and being on your own thing kinda sucks. Shopping has lost all of the fun it used to have when it was done with Dad’s credit card in hand. Who knew that several years and 1 degree later I would be scouring the sale racks at the local outlet mall and still deciding that everything cost too much? Who knew that I would be using coupons at the grocery store?

I need a sugar daddy…any takers?

Muscles

Bitch — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:45:35 +0000

Where do guys come off thinking this is hot? OK, even if you aren’t trying to impress a girl, why would you want your body to look like this?

The sight of this picture makes me wanna gag. I don’t wanna see every vein in your body. I don’t want to see how big your balls are and how non-existent your package is. How does this guy even get pants on? Does he even wear pants? Can he even find clothes that fit him? I wonder if he is married….

This is a Near-Blog

Bitch — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:11:02 +0000

No offense to a recent commenter, but this must be said. Let’s break down the phrase “near-miss”. If you nearly missed something…you didn’t really miss it at all did you? You either miss it or you hit it…those are the only two ways it can go. Nearly missing something, almost missing something, coming close to missing something…it’s all the same. YOU STILL DIDN’T MISS IT!!!

So the part that really pisses me off…According to Wiki, the definition of a “near-miss” is: A near miss is an unplanned event that did not result in injury, illness, or damage - but had the potential to do so. How is that a near miss??? YOU DID MISS! ARGHHH.

What Am I Thinking?

Bitch — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 19:43:07 +0000

Well this bitch is hitting the pavement August 31st. You crazy kids should check this out.

Day 1 of training:
Seeing that I have only been doing cardio tapes and weights for the last few months, last night’s run was very interesting. I was dead after 2 miles, wanted to barf, AND managed to burn my cheeks and nose. Who’s idea was it to make track pavement black? That shit is HOT!

44 days til hell…hope some of you guys find it in you to suffer with me.

Straight Men and Fashion

Bitch — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 20:29:55 +0000

These two should never be mixed…unless you are metro-sexual. I really would only listen to fashion advise from another woman or a gay man. If a straight man tells you one day you dress like a 40 year old, the next a 15 year old, and another your age, what are you suppose think? Several thoughts pop into my head.
-He’s giving you a complement
- He’s attempting to insult you (great burn there, big guy)
-He wishes he could be more like you (closet gay man)
-He wishes his wife could dress like you (please see first thought)
Men struggle with matching. I could walk down the hall at work and see dozens of guys sporting a brown belt with black shoes. Or wearing pin stripe pants with a printed top (very disturbing). Guys also wears jeans or khaki shorts 4 to 5 times before washing. Some, I hate to admit it, still wear clip on ties. That being said…guys have NO room to categorize my outfits. The only comments a guy should say are “You look good honey.” or “Wow, you look stunning!” Men should just stick with shooting guns and watching sports…leave the “looking good” part up to us.

Packers Your Bags

Bitch — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:35:03 +0000

Listen here Brett Favre. When you said last year that you were done, that should have been it. None of this “itch” talk. The Packers have made it clear that they don’t want you back. You are an old man now. Ok, really you are only 38, but in football year you are a senior citizen. What ever happened to going out at the top? Why do people insist on playing until their last years and thus the lasting impression of them is terrible. Go out while you are on top! That way all people will have to remember about you were your “glory” years, not your “glory” years followed by your “man he should have retired already” year. You have already made your millions, earned your place in football history, and the only memories people will have of you is you playing at your best. Retiring is not so bad! But the worst kind of retiring is the retracting kind…”I’m done, no wait I’m not.” “I quit, no wait I don’t” You said you were done and wouldn’t be able to give it 100% anymore…so be DONE.

Out With Customer Service

Bitch — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:28:01 +0000

I was reminiscing about the days when I worked in a retail store. It was a fitness store that catered to women. I liked my job….for the most part. We got to wear what we sold in the store so I got to wear yoga pants and running shoes. Since we were a pretty new store, foot traffic wasn’t too bad. What was bad….were the customers. High maintenance, stay at home, fake breasted bitches. Being that our store was big on customer service, I had to smile and act like these whores were my BFFs. Oh, let me offer you a bottle of water while you sit here and I become your slave. Oh, you don’t like this shoe? These pants are too small? Then why in the hell did you make me go to the back and dig through every single size to find you the one that doesn’t fit? You would like to speak to the manager? Well, listen lady, I am the manager.

I have a new found respect for retail store managers.

Jellies

Bitch — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 19:40:56 +0000

A conversation between me and an anonymous state trooper.

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: NO.
Cop: You were driving with your brights on.
Me: I know. This is a county road.
Cop: But it’s common courtesy to dim your lights while passing.
Me: Yeah well it’s deer season and I don’t want antler coming through my windshield.
Cop: You know I have to write you up for this.
Me: You know once you drive off I’m putting my brights back on.

Apparently he’s never lived in the boonies before….